| i hate people |
[27 Dec 2009|09:09am] |
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for you creeper who keeps making secrets about me..STOP.
im not hurting anyone. and i can assure you, you have no idea who i am.
because in all honesty im not a bad person once you get to know me.
im actually quite interesting and fun to be around.
dont just judge me by what i wear and how my hair looks
because that certainly doesnt define who i am.
and its really ridiculous how you are taking pictures from my myspace and facebook. this needs to stop.
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| a word deeply engraved into my heart |
[02 Dec 2009|08:50pm] |
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music |
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in my chest - now now every children |
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love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
Love is portrayed to be a world of holding hands, perfect relationships, laughs, roses, and memories that will last a lifetime. but in reality life is a world of hurt, pain, and crying. I don't understand how something that is painted so vividly to be perfect in reality it can crumble into a world of suffering.
You throw all of your heart into something that you can't take grasp of but something you know is there. you can tell someone i love you but they never know how much. its irritating when your plans aren't matched up exactly how you want but the thing is - love is not a plan. i love you is perceived wrong and is used wrong in so many cases. love may die for one, but those who are deeply intertwined it has no end and thats where it gets hard. love is a hard concept to understand, and im not sure i will ever fully understand it. it is so incredible that many people just dont understand why you are in so much pain. love is messy and it is in a bunch of jumbled up pieces that you have to put together to fit just right. it is humbling to know you are loved, because without it no one could function correctly. and once your in it, you cant just wear your heart on your sleeve and its hard. you want to so quickly to dive deep in it, when you are just going to drown. you have to set boundaries and limits to not be so vunerable. you cant be afraid to fall in love, because in all honesty its a good thing.
how do you know you are really in love? how can you pour your heart into something you dont know exists? you can say i love you as many times as you want but it doesn't matter. "i've seen love die way to many times" its hard to believe in the words i love you when you have seen it just been thrown away like nothing ever mattered.
sometimes its hard to love something that doesn't love you back and thats where i get stuck. its hard when someone that means the most to you has no idea that you exist.
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| a little something for jillian |
[28 Nov 2009|12:31pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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i used to be obsessed with being sad.
im not sure "obsessed" is the right way to put though.
I was empty inside with no one left.
i was trying to run away from my problems.
you came into my empty heart, step by step
and slowly i recovered
you brought me back to life.
what would i ever do without you here.
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| i stole this from you...is that ok? |
[24 Nov 2009|08:23pm] |
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"honestly, how did we get here? I used to know you so well. - every weekend was spent together.. we knew eachother like the back of our hands. we swore we would never forget eachother, swore we'd be best friends til the end. that changed one day, and both of our paths of friendship were hazy. through lies, and betrayal, we are here today, trying to fix our broken pieces and damaged hearts. will we ever be the same again? after all this, no. I'm sorry but I can't go back to thinking everything will be normal between us again." - lindsay
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| i didn't ask for this, you know? |
[22 Nov 2009|05:31pm] |
i remember what kept me close to you
but what happened to us?
you swear you're "the same",
but you can't disguise the truth
anything, would make me think of yesterday
because they were the best days of my life
i pretend that you are still here
because i can't quite get a hold of reality
it hurts to much,
nothing will fill the hole you left in my heart
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| franklin |
[21 Nov 2009|02:06pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
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music |
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paramore-franklin |
] |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7va474RDPM
im begging, please pay this on the next tour. its my favorite, and it makes me cry. i don't know why it just does.
its one of my dreams to see this song live and i haven't lost hope yet.
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[06 Nov 2009|08:02pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
i swear i could just cry for hours.
nothing seems right anymore
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| Halloween |
[29 Oct 2009|09:24pm] |
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music |
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the downfall of us all - a day to remember |
] |
I am not trying to be Hayley.
yes, i dye my hair like her, but in no way am i trying to be her.
I'm still just Janelle. k? thanks.
---------------------------------
- Halloween is in 2 days. i couldn't be more excited. we're having a bunch of people including my best friend cassadie who i haven't seen in 2 months. me, my sister, cassadie, cassandra, steven, and andy are all going trick or treating. your never to old for free candy! this may be the best hallowen yet. - The past week I have been recovering from a cold. i have sounded horrible, theres a few days i even started sounding a bit like a man. so many people are geting sick its insane and a bit scary. - I recently found out that me my sister and my dad are going to be taking a trip to nashville over spring break. My dad really wants to move there, so theres a possibility that i might be moving there this summer. I mean, i want to move there but at the same time i don't. I'll have to leave so many people here but i think i would love tennessee so much more. :) - Also, my friend Jillian (jillianxd) bought me a don't be ignorant bracelet from the orlando concert. im really excited about it. she rules so much. thanks jillian!
thats about it.
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| lonely. |
[17 Oct 2009|03:03pm] |
i feel like i have lost everything and everyone that was ever in my lfie
i wish we still spent every weekend together..you know those days when we called each other best friend
but apparently it can't be that way anymore
i feel so alone. i wish you knew.
i need someplace to start over
i don't know, maybe its supposed to be this way.
its just been one of those days where you just break down and cry.
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| looking up |
[12 Oct 2009|09:24pm] |
Despite what all the haters said, i did it anyways and dyed my hair blonde :http://twitpic.com/lbnbh
i could care less what other people call me.
i think my voice has finally finished recovering since saturday :D
**school is one of the most stressful things in my life right now, its horrible. this weekend was really
relaxing though. i feel like the stress is gone. this was definitely the best weekend of my life. I can't
believe its already over.
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| coffee house? |
[26 Sep 2009|11:06pm] |
so i went to this thing at my school tonight called the coffee house.
its where a bunch of bands in the school play music, you know?
not gonna lie, all the bands sucked except for the last one, called fall asleep sober
they played punk rock music, the type of stuff im into. they even had the headbanging and the jumping going on.
they basically looked like they were just having the time of their lives.
as i was watching them, i just couldn't help but smile. there was something there that really inspired me.
i don't think anyone can understand how much i would love to be in a band, and make music to please other people
like the band did for me tonight. i don't need to go anywhere with it, if i could make one person happy with it, i would
be pleased. making music just feels right for me. it feels like thats what i am meant to do.
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| go away dear. :/ |
[26 Sep 2009|04:56pm] |
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Darling, you really shouldn't be a bitch to my brother. I'm sorry thats hes been "horrible" to you for the past year and a half but its done. and you seemed really happy, so don't go making up stories now that its over. I would give anything for this boy, i love him to death, and when you can only talk shit about him, it makes me mad. i thought you were so sweet and you were, but now you are just crazy. you have really changed. i will miss you, of course i will....but not the person that you are now, but the person you were for the past year and a half. you should really get over him now though, stop stalking him! its scary how much you have changed. i just wish you wouldn't have turned out this way, but darling im sorry, im not really a fan of you anymore, with the way you treated my brother i don't think you can ever make it up. i would give anything for him and i hope you know that.
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| dad |
[20 Sep 2009|07:12pm] |
i can only try my best.
im sorry if thats not good enough for you
but its all i can put forward.
im sorry that my classes are to hard for me
and that im not doing very good right now.
but the thing is, dad, im trying.
i would appreciate you not yelling at me
because it won't make it any better.
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[19 Sep 2009|09:10am] |
i like you, i really do
but at the same time I'm not sure if im ready for this
your 17 and im only 14 it just seems a bit weird
and i don't want to hide it.
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| caitie |
[14 Sep 2009|07:52pm] |
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caitie, i will miss you terribly. i will miss talking to you, i will miss seeing you. i will miss seeing you and him together. i will miss your 4 foot 10, 18 year old cuteness. i will miss your cute little laugh, and your funny jokes. i will miss your amazing outifts. i will miss all of your advice, and all of your gossip about the teachers. caitie, you weren't just my brothers girlfriend. you were much more than that. please don't leave. i don't want you to move to florida. i don't want you to leave my life. i love you caitie, like a sister. you are part of my life now, and i don't know what to do without you here.
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| this is a long one. |
[08 Sep 2009|07:46pm] |
~because i'll never let this go, but i can't find the words to tell you, i don't want to be alone. but know i feel like i don't know you.~
these lyrics are hitting me pretty hard right now, they explain so much.
this will never stop, and there's nothing i can do to fix it. its something that i HAVE to live with, yes, there are good days, a lot of them actually but the bad ones seem like forever. the worst thing is, this person a family member. i'm not as close to them as i once was, theres to much tension and i don't want it to be that way, but they won't accept my opinions and my views on the situation. they just get mad and don't talk to me anymore. than the next day they act like its better. but its NOT. i still remember it, and it still hurts. i normally just keep my emotions in, but i couldn't do it anymore....so i cried....hard. I really want to make it better, but everything i try always fails. hopefully it will get better.
sorry, i got kind of ~emo~ there, but i needed to let that out.
on the bright side though,
-brand new eyes is in 21 days! :D and my paramore concert is in 31 days :)
-im starting to like high school now. more than i ever thought i would
-my friend is starting to talk to me more again, i missed her so much.
-i love being known as "jon's sister" to. its so hard to live up to your brother...just kidding...he rules. :)
AND i had barely any homework tonight :O
oh, and i think its hilarious when im walking through the halls and i overhear people talking about my hair..."its so orange" "its like multicolored" i try to act like i don't hear them....its so much fun.
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| :( |
[07 Sep 2009|09:05am] |
she is slowly slipping away
it seems like i don't even know her anymore
Friends since kindergraten
high school changed everything
for the worse
and i don't know if i can bare it.
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| Rant....oh boy |
[04 Aug 2009|09:05pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
i haven't posted in a long time. there is a lot of crap i need to get off my chest. here goes:
**word vomit**
I am so over the small town bullshit; the drama, immature people, and people falling for anything; the ones who won't stand for anything. All of the posers, are annoying the shit out of me. along with all the preps who think they are the best and most beautiful girls in the world. if you want to say i'm a bitch or that ive changed, thats your opinion and honestly i could care less of what people think about me. I'm happy with how i am, handle things, and what i stand for. I do not want to be stuck here in this small nowhere town, and i'm not gonna do stupid shit just for the moment that could keep me here. I have goals in my life, and sitting in the middle of all this crap won't get me anywhere.
**word vomit over**
i will be starting high school soon. a big jump, and i'm sure this stuff will just get worse, but i guess its just something i will just have to look past.
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paramoreluvxx's journal
we waited outside from noon until 1 and than we got to go inside if we purchased something from the HOB store, so we did that. stayed in there for about 2 hours and than had to go back outside for another 3 hours. it was cold! but we were near the front. when we finally got to go in, i ended up being in like the 4th row. the swellers were amazing but im not really a fan of paper route. by the time they were done i had managed to get up into the 3rd row which was really close to the stage. josh was peeking out behind the curtain which was really cool. than josh came out, started playing and than hayley walked out with the other guys. everyone freaked and pushed us up like crazy! it hurt but it was worth it, i was so close to them i didn't care. they opened with the intro than went into ignorance. the whole setlist was: Intro Ignorance I Caught Myself That's What You Get Looking Up Emergency Crushcrushcrush Turn It Off Here We Go Again Careful Conspiracy Where The Lines Overlap Decode Miracle Outro Encore: Misguided Ghosts Misery Business Brick By Boring Brick. hayley pointed at me! and taylor and josh looked at me....so amazing. the whole floor was moving from all the jumping...it was insane, but i loved it. hayley's voice was sounding so much better but it seemed to be super high pitched. there was so much stuff being thrown on stage last night. someone threw a gray shirt up there, hayley picked it up and smelled it and made a weird face haha. than someone threw a neckalce up there and it hit hayley almost in the face. i felt so bad. at the end of the concert i tried to go to the merch booth and get a shirt but the security gaurd was a jerk and shut the merch booth down as soon as the concert was over. >.< i don't care, last night was the best.